Season 3, episode 1. This is the second part of a plot spanning two episodes that starts with She Will, She Will Rock You.

The plot section contains spoilers.




  • The Lair
  • Pawn Shop
  • Maxwell Fong's Underground Club


  • Location merely mentioned 1

Pop Culture ReferencesEdit

  • Lord of the Rings
  • Lord of the Dance
  • Farfalle (bow-tie pasta)
  • Star Wars (Chewbacca, Princess Leia, Han Solo, "Return of the Jedi", Ewoks, Jar Jar Binks, Carbonite)


Shady character.


  • Aardvark People
From Papua New Guinea.
  • Abiogenes
Defeating them has something to do with Merton's hand in a glove with his finger pointing up and turning counterclockwise.
  • Ants
Some type of ant. Merton has a bug net and is exemplifying catching the ants through it.
  • Chupacabra
A beast of Mexican legend that sucks the blood from livestock, killing them.
  • Leprechaun
"If he's this tall...just kick him!"
  • Loch Ness Monster
Play a certain song on the bagpipes, "gently".
  • Freddie Prinze Jr.
Fast-forwarded through.
  • Sasquatch
  • Zyxallian Thunder Gods
Weakest at sunset, except on leap years where it is best to sing them the death chant at noon.


  • Merton's Note
  • Merton's Tapes
  • Tommy's Autographed John Elway Rookie Card


The episode starts with a recap of She Will, She Will Rock You. A jealous Medusa tries to go after Lori and ends up turning herself to stone, but Merton gets turned to stone too. A shot of Merton writing his note and giving it to Lori is shown too.

Tommy leaves the lair, just like in She Will, She Will Rock You, but he comes right back in. Lori comes in too. Lori remembers the note Merton gave her. She pulls it out of her pocket, reading "Lord of the Rings." Lori finds a book from the Lord of the Rings trilogy and inside is a videotape. She puts it in and presses play. It's a tape of Merton at his desk. He says if they're watching the tape, he's dead, but that what he is about to tell them could save his life.

The tape features a visual indexing method (a sign with the name of the creature he is talking about), and presumably includes information for reaching the next tape, since Lori says there was nothing in any of the tapes, plural, about him being turned to stone. Many creatures are listed in the tapes, but there's no information about getting back someone who has been turned to stone. At the very end of the last tape, Merton suggests Tommy and Lori contact an "extremely dangerous" acquaintence of his named Maxwell Fong.

Fong demanded $1,000 for a serum to turn Merton back from stone. Tommy sold his autographed John Elway rookie card so they could pay for it. They make the transaction, and though the instructions for the de-stoning serum are all in Chinese, there are diagrams, and Tommy and Lori figure out what to do. Merton comes back from his stony state blind, drooling, and "limp as an overcooked piece of farfalle." Things only get worse. Soon, his muscles start to atrophy, he is losing multiple teeth, and suffering from a 104° fever, as well as constant headaches, stomach cramps, and drymouth.

Tommy and Lori bring Merton to see Fong. Tommy claims the serum didn't work, but Fong claims that it did because he's out of stone. Fong tells them he added a poison to the serum, and demands $5,000 for the antidote. Tommy wolfs out, which catches Fong's interest. Fong says he'll give them the antidote if Tommy fights his champion. Merton nobly cautions against it, even after Fong explains that the odds of surviving the poison are 50/50, and even then the blindness is permanent.

Fong said it was the chai dao berry poison, so a very blind and half-delerious Merton attempts to create an antidote. Unsurprisingly, this antidote fails, and Tommy runs to Fong's to fight the champion.

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